Lead From Behind
As loyal readers know, The Boys in the Lotto Lab are attempting to become a world famous Planetary Protection Officer for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). Yep, those are the same guys that put a man on the moon a zillion years ago. The Boys noted that NASA no longer seems interested in doing anything tangible. That’s right down The Boys alley. They’re renowned for their time wasting, intangible activities.
As former President Kennedy said of the effort to put a man on the moon at the historic Rice Stadium Moon Speech:
“We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.”
The Boys were not happy with that NASA. They much prefer the Lead From Behind NASA.
They’re also happy that President Kennedy is no longer president. In his 1961 Inaugural “Ask Not” speech, Kennedy was rumored to have exhorted US and world citizens to:
“And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you–ask what you can do for your country.
My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.
Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God’s work must truly be our own.”
Strength, sacrifice, high standards, The Boys have concluded that that sounds like WAY too much work. FINALLY, the world has come around to their way of thinking. The Boys are convinced the new slacker attitude evidenced by at least two of America’s “universities” will help them get their cushy new government job.
The Boys are confident they’re the best qualified to make “First Contact” with any and all extraterrestrials. They’re ready, willing and able to wait in the Lotto Lair until called upon to make these historic introductions. To keep things friendly with our new interplanetary friends, they’re working on some new break-dance routines and have a full box of frozen burritos standing by at all times. They intend to show earth’s new alien friends “The Best of the Best” that planet earth has to offer.
It would seem that all is well with The Boys aside from one small concern. Their NASA contacts in Houston have noted that a few applicants for the Planetary Protection Officer have actual college degrees. Some of these degrees are from accredited universities.
The Boys were beside themselves with worry. They should get this job, and they should get it easily. After all, The Boys are proven patriots. Have they not single-handedly assured the Lotto would continue in the event of a nuclear holocaust? Have The Boys not taken steps to ensure there was no “Glass Ceiling” in the Lotto Lab? Have The Boys not taken action to assure The Great State of Texas adopts a Metric Lotto promising Texans’ of more wins more often?
Well. It turns out their worries are over.
Don’t get me wrong. The Boys have all the education they need to hold court on various lotto winning techniques. They’ve been playing for years and sharing their insights with you, loyal Lotto Central players, with irrefutable perspicacity infusing all of their incontrovertible research.
If that wasn’t enough, their favorite Texas Lotto Retailer has told them time, and again they should buy more tickets to further assure their ultimate win. He wouldn’t say that if he didn’t believe it.
Inexplicably, there are naysayers.
Some persons, all of which clearly lack credibility, have noted that everything The Boys display. Their General Equivalency Diploma (GED), their Certificates of Achievement, their Bus Passes, everything on display in the Lotto Lair bears all of their names, not just one. These irresponsible people have erroneously asserted that The Boys have accomplished nothing by themselves.
While The Boys don’t deny there was collaboration, they argue that this cooperation makes them better Lotto Professionals. The few short years they spent studying for their GED has made them more discerning, more capable and yes, better looking.
Their troubles are nearly over. Thanks to these two “Lead From Behind” faculty, The Boys will soon have INDIVIDUAL degrees. The Boys intend to place their applications with deliberate speed. They would prefer to receive their degrees while the Universities remain accredited.
This could be big.
From Business Insider we learn the University of Georgia’s Professor Rick Watson’s take on grades:
“Emotional reactions to stressful situations can have profound consequences for all involved,” writes Instructor Rick Watson for his computing class offered at Terry College of Business at the University of Georgia.
“If you feel unduly stressed by a grade for any assessable material or the overall course, you can email the instructor indicating what grade you think is appropriate, and it will be so changed. No explanation is required,” states the classroom rule, called on the syllabus the “stress reduction policy.”
HOW SWEET IS THIS?!?!?!?!?
The Boys are giddy. They intend to contact Professor Watson to learn if it’s required that they submit anything other than their name at the top of a blank page, or, if they even must submit a paper. After all, from Campus Reform we learn:
“If in a group meeting, you feel stressed by your group’s dynamics, you should leave the meeting immediately and need offer no explanation to the group members,” the policy adds, saying such students can “discontinue all further group work” with their remaining grade being “based totally on non-group work.”
The Boys are ecstatic. Not only are they not required to do the work, if they snivel, even just a little, they’re permitted to leave. Best of all, they don’t have to tell anyone why they’re sniveling.
The Boys are FANTASTIC at sniveling. They’ve been sniveling all their lives. Sniveling is their specialty. No one’s better at sniveling than The Boys.
Maybe they can just submit a grade, rather than any work at all, to Professor Watson. They could become graduates of the University of Georgia faster than they became notaries.
The Boys felt they needed to double check the University of Georgia’s accreditation. After all, they’ve obtained many online certifications and credentials including:
- TV Repair;
- Life Coach;
- Beer Judge;
- Data Entry;
- HVAC Repair;
- Notary Public;
- Bounty Hunter;
- Secret Shopping;
- Personal Trainer;
- Dog Psychologist;
- Fork Lift Operator;
- Adjunct Professor;
- Motor Cycle Repair;
- Doctor of Metaphysics
As The Boys have already completed these challenging courses of study, they intend to check with the Universities Registrar to see if they can be issued a Ph.D. based on “Life Experiences.” As they already have a Ph.D. in Metaphysics, they figure it’s worth asking.
While many of their valuable certifications are from the finest online schools charging tuition within their budget, their much anticipated new careers never worked out. Most recently, The Boys were ordained.
The Boys will not be fooled again. They’ve researched Professor Watson and concluded that he’s not an adjunct hoping to make a few bucks before it’s discovered the inmates are running the asylum.
According to Campus Reform, the professor is:
“A Regents Professor” at the University of Georgia, a title “bestowed by the Board of Regents on truly distinguished faculty.”
The Boys intend to enroll immediately.
Not only do they plan to enroll at the University of Georgia, but they’re also going to seek
an additional degree from the City University of New York. According to FreeBeacon, RightlyReport, the DailyCallout, Campus Reform and finally, in Professor A.W. Strouses own words in Inside Higher ED, we learn that there are no English standards.
This is perfect, The Boys have standards, but they’re willing to negotiate. Apparently, Professor Strouse shares their aversion to the outdated social construct that English represents.
We learn from Professor Strouse’s Inside Higher Ed article:
“As a scholar of English, part of my job is to help my students work within those standards. But my job is also — in part — to question those standards. And questioning them is risky. For a white teacher like me, Spears offers a dangerous proposition. After all, I have no cover for airing other people’s dirty laundry, and admiring nonstandard dialects leaves me open to accusations of exoticizing or stereotyping. Nevertheless, education is a risky business. And, as my student Maria’s case shows — and as Annie Hall shows — this is not a black-and-white issue, but one that bears upon all members of the university. Nobody speaks academic English as a mother tongue.”
The Boys could not agree more. Listening to them grunt and groan in the Lotto Lair as they try to best each other in various feats of strength and copious consumption permits observers to quickly conclude that theirs is a dialect that should be emulated.
Why should The Boys learn Standard English when they can just impose a new standard on the masses? Once presented and propagated to their growing band of followers, it will distinguish them as Lotto Professionals to be reckoned with. There will soon be tens, if not hundreds of acolytes emulating their diction, their direction, and their disposition. At that point, it will be up to the rest of the world to follow suit.
Professor Strouse continues:
“Already, scholars of rhetoric believe, as the consensus view, that instructors should not try to change their students’ speech patterns. In the classroom, students shut down in the face of pedantry because they hate when bossy teachers tell them how to talk, especially in cases in which bourgeois white teachers dictate ex-cathedra about what speech is “correct.”
This is perfect. Why should anyone be permitted to impose standards on anyone? After all, planet Earth is blessed with over 7 billion souls. If each Middlesex, village, and farm were allowed, no, encouraged to develop its own unique language, think of the fun we’d have. Insularity would be common, travel would be impossible, mass communication would be a thing of the past, commerce would be dead. Each unrelated locale would benefit only from the skills possessed by the 28 people speaking their common language.
Who but the bigoted would object?
The Boys have long felt standards; all standards are the result of the “bossy.” Not just bossy professors, but bossy police officers, bossy moms, bossy doctors, bossy property owners, bossy banks and bossy bosses.
Regarding the latter, “Bossy Bosses,” Professor Strouse knows how to eliminate that problem. In Campus Reform, the professor advises his students of the “final solution” to eliminate their bosses:
“The workplace has way too much power and should not be allowed to determine something as fundamental as how we speak,” he declared. “People need to tell their bosses, ‘F**k you.’”
We agree. This will get your bossy boss out of your life forever. Congratulations Mom and Dad, thanks to Professor Strouse, your children will be just like The Boys in the Lotto Lab, leading from behind, from the basement, FOREVER.
This is fabulous. The Boys are convinced that CUNY and UGA course work will be much easier than any of the remedial community colleges courses they’ve failed to complete.
They’re going to mail their applications in immediately thereby assuring their position at NASA. With this newfound knowledge, they assert with increased assurance….
Next Time… Fer Sure!!
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