They Plan to Live Forever
The Boys in the Lotto Lab have become more cognizant of their mortality lately. After all, the incredible lotto research they’ve been cranking out since The Great State of Texas began the Texas Lotto in 1991 is a daunting, formidable task.
Nevertheless, they persevere.
It’s a little known fact that it was The Boys that devised Lotto Central’s sure fired plan to win the Texas Lotto over and over and over again. Believe it or not, it was they who concluded that we should just play the same numbers week in, week out, month in, month out, year in, year out.
Brilliant. Positively BRILLIANT!
Breakthroughs like that are what we’ve come to expect from The Boys. Inexplicably, it’s taking a little longer than anticipated to hit our first multi-million dollar jackpot. That’s where The Boys new project comes into play.
To assure they’re still above ground when we hit the big one, The Boys have turned their formidable intellects to the topic of “Life Extension.”
To make Life Extension a reality, they’re working with some of the finest minds on the planet. Well… maybe not working with them directly, but they have put:
- Bill Gates
- Elon Musk
- Mark Zuckerberg
- Doogie Houser, MD
On speed dial.
For some reason, when they call these potential colleagues and collaborators they’re not available and/or it always goes straight to voicemail. The Boys remain undaunted. They’re confident the four of them will be BEGGING for their incredible techniques and tactics just as soon as they read this paper.
The Boys have already accomplished much. They’ve done extensive work in “Trans-Humanism.” As a matter of fact, they recently published a paper describing how they nearly obtained the superpowers of a goat. Click Here.
They were INCREDIBLY close. If not for selecting the wrong goat, it would have worked.
They’ve moved on from Trans Humanism and have decided to check out Cryogenics to FREEZE themselves today to be awoken at some indeterminate date in the future when Life Extension had been perfected.
Initially, they were excited. They’d concluded that they would freeze themselves today and let Lotto Central, the consummate lotto winning machine, scoop up multiple multi-million dollar jackpots. Then, at a date indeterminate, you, the loyal Lotto Central players would wake them up and shower them with their share of the millions and millions of dollars of jackpot winnings.
What could go wrong?
They had a lengthy conclave amongst themselves. After many days of deliberation, discussion and reflection, two significant issues kept arising.
- They’re Afraid You guys Won’t Wake Them Up.
- Their Mom’s Freezer Wasn’t Big Enough to Freeze all Three of Them.
Moving on, The Boys undertook an exhaustive study of transferring their consciousness into a computer. They knew it was possible. They’d seen it before.
Many years ago they had an Apple II+ with dual 360K floppies. In those days, they played an incredible game called Pong. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t beat the essence of Pong whose consciousness resided in the Apple II+.
Similarly, their essence would live long after their physical forms were dead and buried. Then, when we hit the multi-million dollar jackpot, their Mom would pop a floppy disk into a robot and BOOM, they’re drinking root beers in front of the Lotto Lair, just like old times.
They’re CERTAIN this plan would have worked, but their Mom threw out the Apple about fifteen years ago.
She never tells them anything.
It turns out that they didn’t have anything to worry about. Thanks to an alert reader forwarding the following article from Wired, they now know that all they need to do is to take a pill. Once ingestion, followed by digestion is complete, their dream to:
Linger and Be a Burden
Will be fullfilled.
The Boys are certain this will work, after all… they read it on the internet.
When Gates, Zuckerberg, Musk or Houser return their call. They’re not picking up. 😉
This excerpt is from Wired. To read the complete article, please Click Here
In 2014 alone, Americans filled 76.9 million prescriptions for metformin.
As Lewis Cantley, the director of the Cancer Center at Weill Cornell Medicine, once put it, “Metformin may have already saved more people from cancer deaths than any drug in history.” Nobel laureate James Watson, who takes metformin off-label for cancer prevention, once suggested that the drug appeared to be “Our only real clue into the business” of fighting the disease.
In addition to exploring its potential to help treat the most common afflictions of aging, researchers are now also investigating whether metformin might improve symptoms of autoimmune disorders, tuberculosis, and erectile dysfunction, among other conditions.
Barzilai, like most in his field, was aware of the good news about metformin that had been trickling out year after year.
The true origins of his big plan have less to do with metformin itself than with a convergence of a number of different strands of aging research.
S. Jay Olshansky, a professor at the School of Public Health at the University of Illinois at Chicago, is advising a small team of researchers who are working with Barzilai on a new study of metformin’s antiaging properties.
The metformin patients in the study not only outlived the diabetics taking the other drug-a not especially surprising result if metformin is a superior treatment-but also outlived the nondiabetics studied as a comparison.
The FDA will not make its decision on whether metformin becomes the US’s first antiaging drug until the study, dubbed Targeting Aging with Metformin, is complete.
Next Time… Fer Sure!!
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