How To Acquire Super Powers
The Boys in the Lotto Lab have long admired some of our nation’s most astounding heroes. We’re talking:
- The Hulk;
- The Flash;
- Green Lantern and;
- the ENTIRE Justice League of America.
As players who are also literary aficionados realize, there is typically an unexpected accident providing normal people with incredible powers and insights. The relevant body of literature refers to these powers and insights as “Super Powers.” While the normality of The Boys is debatable, their desire for “Super Powers” has been well documented.
Shortly after the initiation of the Texas Lotto in 1991, The Boys were bitten by a goat. How the beast cornered The Boys in the barn and managed to bite all three of them multiple times remains a mystery.
Anyway, thanks to their familiarity with many superhero legends, The Boys were confident that they now possessed the “Powers of a Goat.” The only thing that remained was to ascertain precisely what powers a goat possessed and, as importantly, how they could be harnessed to win the Texas Lotto.
Let the investigation begin.
The Boys began pouring over their vast treasure trove of historical documents including,
- DC Comics;
- Marvel Comics;
- Archie Comics;
- Action Comics;
- Adventure Comics and;
- Power Rangers Comics.
Their approach was both direct and simple. It was precisely what you’d expect from three of our nation’s Premier Lotto Professionals.
First, they would determine the continuum of superpowers that could potentially exist from repeated goat bites. To do this, they spent many months reading and re-reading their vast library. They made long lists of potential powers, then referenced and cross-referenced them with both superheroes and super villains. Of course, The Boys are committed to ONLY using their superpowers for good. Nevertheless, to assure they didn’t miss a potential power they delved deep into the psyches of both good and evil.
The results were astounding.
After nearly a year of research, they were ready to test their new abilities.
Three days later, they were the proud owners of two broken arms, a fractured leg, a black eye, and a REALLY bloody nose. On the fourth day, their itinerary dictated that they try to stop a speeding bullet. Instead, they pulled the plug. They decided to go back to the Lotto Lab to further examine their goat hypothesis.
At the end of the day, The Boys concluded there were two potential reasons why they did not possess superpowers:
- Animal Bites DO NOT Transmit Super Powers.
- Animal Bites DO Transmit Super Powers, But Goats Don’t Have Super Powers to Transmit.
We may never know which is true.
While the analysis they performed and the papers they’ve written will profoundly affect the medical profession for generations, much to their chagrin, it didn’t do that much for their chances to win Lotto Texas.
The Boys remain resolute in their goal. It occurred to them that in all their research they didn’t see one instance where a farm animal transmitted unusual abilities to anyone. BUT.. their analysis indicated that both Gamma Ray exposure and radioactive insects provided a straight path to both heightened mental and physical acuity.
The Boys realized what must be done.
As loyal players know, The Boys have applied to become NASA’s Planetary Protection Officer. As quickly as they’re employed, they will be the liaison between Earth and interstellar visitors.
In the original application, The Boys asserted they were not willing to travel beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. Instead, they would wait until alien life forms arrived on Earth. Once their arrival was confirmed, they would call NASA for a ride to the landing site. The Boys would then introduce themselves and give our new galactic friends the tour. The Boys are looking forward to showing our new celestial buddies the Lotto Lab and propagate their critical lotto research throughout the universe.
That’s all changed now.
After reviewing every historical document in their possession discussing the beginnings of the Fantastic 4, The Boys have decided to tell NASA they’d like to wait for the inevitable alien visitors on the International Space Station. Upon arrival, The Boys will pilot the station to the Van Allen Radiation Belt and hold position there.
“The Van Allen radiation belt is a zone of energetic charged particles, most of which originate from the solar wind that is captured by and held around a planet by that planet’s magnetic field. The Earth has two such belts, and sometimes others may be temporarily created.”
The Boys are certain the cosmic radiation washing over them as they stand in the window of the International Space Station will provide them with “Super Lotto Powers” permitting them, and the Lotto Central Team, to win and win and win again.
The Boys have informed NASA they prefer a Sunday launch allowing them to return to Earth before Wednesday’s drawing.
This time… with certainty….
Next Time… Fer Sure!!
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